


In Your Eyes

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, Drama, First Times, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 06:42:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/795015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What Jim and Blair have is a failure to communicate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Your Eyes

## In Your Eyes

by Silk

Author's website:  <http://www.angelfire.com/ny4/tinsel/>

All things Sentinel belong to PetFly and Paramount. Not me. Not for profit either.

As always, for Tinnean, my beta, my Muse, and my sister of the heart.

The R rating is for language, not sex.

* * *

Blair winced as he finally made his way into the bullpen. Megan was the first one to notice that something was wrong. "Sandy, you're limping. What happened?" 

"Oh, I fell." 

Joel put down the cup of coffee he was holding and moved away from his desk. "You fell? How? Where?" 

"Jeesh. What is this, a police interrogation? I mean, I'm in the right place for it, but give a guy a break, okay?" With great difficulty, Blair managed to hobble over to Jim's desk and sit down. 

"You're as stubborn as Ellison, I swear. Why won't you let us help you, Blair? I know we don't say it often, but we care about you. Y'know?" 

Blair mumbled something unintelligible and no matter how hard Joel and Megan strained to hear, they couldn't make out what he said. "What?" 

Blair raised his head and for a second his dark blue eyes filled with an unfathomable pain. All too quickly it was gone, leaving the two of them no closer to figuring out what was going on than before. 

"Do you want me to find Jim for you? He's in with a suspect. But if it's serious, I'm sure he'll want to-" 

"No, no, it's not serious. Just banged my knee, man. Zigged when I should've zagged." 

"You sure, Sandy?" Megan's eyes reflected her concern for the young police observer. 

"Yep. Just gonna sit here for a bit and rest, okay?" 

Somehow Blair looked enough like his old self that both cops were reassured and left him alone. He grabbed a stack of files from the desk and started flipping through them, searching for the ones that were missing paperwork. After forty-five minutes of typing without moving another muscle, he stretched carelessly, unwittingly jarring his injured knee. "Ow!" 

Like a genie popping out of a bottle, Jim appeared. "Why didn't you tell me you were here?" 

Blair laughed, but it wasn't a happy sound. "Hey, man, you're the Sentinel. Aren't you supposed to notice things like that?" 

"And what did you do to hurt yourself now?" 

"Right, Jim. Must be a self-inflicted wound, right? I mean, I'm so awkward and uncoordinated." 

"Okay, what happened? Someone grabbed you and tried to rearrange your body parts on the way to work?" 

"Y'know, Jim, before I knew you, I didn't know anyone who was capable of doing shit like that to people. But thanks to my friendship with you, now there are all kinds of people who want to fuck me up." 

"Is that what happened?" 

"What difference does it make?" 

Jim sat on the edge of the desk and reached out to cup Blair's chin. Blair tried to pull away, but Jim's grip was too strong. "Talk to me, Chief." 

"Talk to yourself, _Detective_. Maybe if you stare at me long enough, you'll figure it out." 

Jim drew back sharply. "Are you saying _I_ hurt you? How? When?" Jim swiped a hand over his face, wondering why he wasn't fighting harder against the implications. "Why?" 

"You hurt me all the time, Jim. You don't even know you're doing it anymore," Blair muttered under his breath. 

"I'm tired, Sandburg. I don't have time to play guessing games. Why don't you tell me what I did? Then we can move on." 

"Fuck you, Jim! You move on! Without me!" Blair stood up too quickly, his knee too weak to take his weight. He stumbled forward and Jim caught him, his well-shaped hands bracing Blair's shoulders. 

His hair fell across his face, shielding him temporarily from further scrutiny. But Blair visibly shook, an involuntary body movement that Jim could interpret no other way. _He_ was responsible for Blair's injury. _Him_. 

"What did I do, Blair?" Jim whispered, guilt and outrage consuming him in equal parts. And why can't I remember any of it? 

All of the fight went out of Blair. "You do what you always do, man," he replied hoarsely. 

Blair turned to walk away, but Jim caught his shoulder, his grip unintentionally harsh. At Blair's exclamation, Joel suddenly appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, to stand between the police observer and his detective partner. When Jim tried to shake off the palm he planted solidly in the middle of Jim's chest, Joel ground out, "Looks like it's time to back off, Jim." 

Incredulous, Jim actually took a step back before he reacted verbally. "Stay out of this, Joel." 

"I won't let you hurt the kid." 

Megan joined Joel. Together they presented a united front. "Neither will I. Sandy doesn't deserve what you did to him. I'm surprised at you, Jim." 

His hands flailing wildly through the air, Jim sputtered, "I don't know what the two of you are talking about. But you have to let me go. He's getting away." 

It was true. Using Joel's intervention as a distraction, Blair made good his escape. But he knew he was only postponing the inevitable. Short of moving out of the loft, there was no way to avoid a confrontation. 

As the elevator doors slid shut, he closed his eyes and said softly, "If I jumped off the roof, would you catch me, Jim?" 

He could swear he heard a muted cry of pain echoing down through the elevator shaft. Blair slumped against the metal wall, suddenly utterly and inexplicably exhausted. His knee throbbed, a reminder of what could very well happen to him if he continued to long for things he could not have. 

* * *

"You think I what?" 

Jim's howl of outrage was audible even behind closed doors. Captain Simon Banks flung open his office door with a clatter. "What the hell is going on here? Ellison, why are you yelling? And why don't I see anyone _working_?" 

Jim shook his head. "Joel and Conner think I've been beating the crap out of Sandburg." 

"Excuse me?" Simon's eyes narrowed and his grip on his cigar tightened visibly. "What on earth gave you that idea?" he asked, his last question directed to Joel. 

Joel gestured helplessly. "It was Sandburg, sir. He came in limping. Said he "hit" his knee accidentally." 

"Did it occur to you that maybe he was telling the truth?" 

"But he didn't want us to call Jim. He acted like he was afraid of him." 

Simon sighed. "What we have here is a failure to communicate." 

"Uh-oh, when the Captain starts quoting "Cool Hand Luke", the proverbial shit's about to hit the fan." With that, Joel excused himself. Megan's mouth tried to form a brittle smile, but quickly gave up the effort. 

"I bet you have paperwork on your desk at this very instant," Simon suggested in a venomously cool voice. 

"Ellison, in my office." 

"With all due respect, sir, I have to catch up with Sandburg. Who knows what he's thinking?" 

"Is that a trick question? You know I can never follow the kid's flight of ideas on a good day." 

Jim reluctantly followed his Captain into Simon's office, closing the door behind him. Leaning on the door, Jim whispered, "I hurt him, Simon." 

"Jesus, Jim. Were you lying to me a few minutes ago?" 

"No, sir. I would never hurt him physically. Well, intentionally, anyway," he added, thinking of the countless times Blair had been injured simply because he was at Jim's side. 

"Then what are we talking about here?" 

"I don't know. That's the problem. There's no question in my mind that I've been hurting Blair. But he wouldn't tell me what I did, Simon." Jim's pale blue eyes clouded over as he repeated, "I don't know what I did." 

"Well...." Suddenly Simon looked flustered. He chomped noisily on his cigar. "How are things with you at home?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"What do you mean, what do you mean? You don't know what I mean?" 

"No." 

"Ah," Simon smiled tightly. "The light dawns." 

"Simon, if you have any idea what this is all about, please-" 

"Sit, Ellison, and listen for a change." 

Jim sat. But his entire body tensed as if he were awaiting the final countdown to an explosion. 

"Why do you think Joel and Megan were so upset?" 

"They thought I was beating up my partner." 

"Close. They thought you were beating up your _partner_." 

"I could have sworn that's what I just said, Simon." 

"Domestic abuse, Jim. They think you and Blair are a couple." 

"But where would they get-" 

"I'm not finished, Jim. How do you feel about Blair?" 

"I don't know what you-" 

"Describe him to me, Jim." 

"He's smart and funny and sometimes he acts like I'm his hero or something cause he gets this look in his eyes like-oh, shit." 

"Yeah, oh, shit, Jim. Do you love him?" 

"Yes," Jim said, frowning. 

"What? You want to change your answer?" 

"No, that's not it. It's just...there's more." 

"Like?" 

"I'm _in love_ with him." 

"Bet that came as a real shock, didn't it, Jim?" 

"Yes and no," Jim said with a disconcerted look, curiously close to zoning. "Now that I've said it, I think I've always known it." 

"It sounds like the two of you are on the same wavelength. So what's the problem?" 

"He doesn't know." Jim looked up, his face a study in anxiety. "He said I keep hurting him the way I always do. He doesn't know, Simon!" 

Simon smiled. " _Now_ you can get your ugly butt out of my office, Ellison." 

Jim was out of earshot within seconds. 

Simon chuckled, his distinctive heh-heh-heh reverberating through his office and out into the bullpen. 

* * *

The door to the loft opened slowly. Jim stood there, frozen, feeling as though his life hung in the balance. 

"Chief?" 

Blair turned awkwardly, his knee still aching from his accident. 

"How's your knee?" 

"Hurts like a son-of-a-bitch. Why?" 

"You're still angry." 

"I'm not angry, Jim. I'm afraid of losing you." 

"What? But why? Chief, you were right. I have been hurting you. By pretending everything is okay between us. But it's not, is it?" 

Blair dropped his gaze lest Jim see just how close to the edge he was. His smoky blue eyes watered with the effort of holding back tears. "No, it's not," he whispered. 

"What would it take to make everything all right, Chief? Tell me. _You_ tell _me_ what you need." 

"What I need, Jim, you could never give me." Blair choked back the words of love that clamored for release. 

"You think so, huh?" Jim asked softly. He could see things so clearly now. His own preconceptions and preoccupation had blinded him to what he had...all along. 

"Jim?" 

"Yeah, Chief?" 

"What's in your eyes...." 

"Yeah, Chief?" 

"Was that there all along?" 

Jim nodded. "And I didn't even know it." 

"Neither did I." 

"I know." 

Pause. 

"Is there something you'd like to tell me, Chief?" 

Blair smiled gratefully, relief flooding his features, giving him back the artless beauty he wore so easily. "I love you, Jim." 

Jim felt the words touch his heart before they passed into his soul where they would stay forever. "I love you, too," he whispered back, giving Blair the tools to heal. 

"Can I kiss you?" 

"Please...." 

Jim held nothing back. His lips lightly brushed across Blair's, seeking, tasting, before settling into an open-mouthed kiss that explored the depths of Blair's mouth. His left hand crept into Blair's hair and stayed there, while his right hand restlessly stroked the side of his neck. 

When Jim finally tore himself away, he leaned his forehead on Blair's, his breath caressing his partner's face. "God, I wish I'd told you sooner. I'm sor-" 

Blair pressed his fingers to Jim's lips, silencing him. "Don't. We can never go back. Only _forward_." 

Jim buried his face in Blair's flamboyant curls. "Can I promise to make it up to you?" 

"I think you just did." 

* * *

End In Your Eyes by Silk: silkn1@worldnet.att.net

Author and story notes above.

  
Disclaimer: _The Sentinel_ is owned etc. by Pet Fly, Inc. These pages and the stories on them are not meant to infringe on, nor are they endorsed by, Pet Fly, Inc. and Paramount. 


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